Stop “shoulding” all over yourself.

Still one of my favorite expressions.

People are inundated with what they “should” be doing. Instead of rushing toward what we love, we’re encouraged to shape ourselves into false obligations (faux-bligations, you’re welcome).

So, how can a checklist of “shoulds” in January guide you to success in July?
Glad you asked. Follow me.

Start by considering the “why” behind the “what”.

Defining ‘why’ is fuel for when the novelty of a goal turns into the reality of training and self-discipline.

Increasing revenue, saving money, or travelling more are all admirable goals. But really getting into the “why” is a critical aspect of achieving those goals.

Are you striving to travel more because the experience makes for an interesting memoir? So you can learn another language? Because something sparked your interest while binge-watching Richard Ayoade’s show, Travel Man?

All of these are viable reasons, and Helsinki does seem amazing, but capture the specifics of exactly why this and why now. Understanding what motivates the goal will help you push through when things are difficult. When that gremlin starts whispering to you that this is all a waste of time.

Another important aspect of the ‘why’ is to pinpoint if this goal is truly yours, or belongs to someone else. Too often we aspire to things because of someone else’s accomplishment. Still worse is setting goals based on a memory of our former selves as the driving force.

I’m not saying hold back, but comparing yourself to the 25-year-old version of you is more likely to end in injury or disappointment.

None of us will ever look, lift, or perform better than a memory shifting over time.

“I used to be able to” is the kiss of death for any future success. This, right now, is the body, financial situation, and ecosystem you occupy. Keep your goals forward-looking. State your intention and make a plan to keep things on track.

Writing down the steps and timelines makes a deeper connection with a goal.

1. Find what inspires you and pursue it relentlessly.
It doesn’t have to make sense or fit into someone else’s schema. It doesn’t have to look good on paper or drive profitability. Do it. Keep doing it. Fail spectacularly at it. Get frustrated to the point of ugly crying.
Then ugly cry for a bit.

Then start at it again, but with a new understanding and appreciation of the process. Keep working at it until you don’t recognize yourself anymore. Because you’ve become the person who is accomplishing this thing you never thought possible.

2. Build a plan.
Goals without a defined path quickly become overwhelming. Want to attempt a marathon? Build a plan. Travel more? Build a plan. Pay down credit cards? Build a plan.

Defining a plan has several benefits. It helps break down a large goal into a series of smaller tasks. You can measure progress along the way and make course corrections. The process of planning also causes you to get more specific and realistic about what can be accomplished.

The plan doesn’t have to be perfect, but it does need to be captured in whatever form works best for you. I’m very visual, so having an outline posted in full view is more helpful than a list buried somewhere.

3. Set your intent and brace for frustration.
The first time I heard this expression was during a snowboarding lesson. The instructor was emphasizing the connection between a line of sight and direction of travel. Super helpful for avoiding trees, but also translates nicely into achieving goals.

And remember that frustration and internal conflict are a necessary part of growth. That is where the change happens. Revisit your why and look back on all the progress you’ve made. 

4. Remember to reward yourself along the way.
Goals definitely fall into a category of “the journey, not the destination”. Yes, that sense of accomplishment is huge. But the process of becoming, and mastery along the way, lasts much longer. Anyone can show up on race day, you’ll have put in all those pesky training miles that get to the finish line. Include acknowledgments of the times you wanted to quit, but decided to stay.

Believe in yourself and keep moving, especially when the gremlin starts acting up. Because, even when it may look like ugly crying, you are crushing it right now.